/siberia/ - Off-topic

>>526251

Heckin YEP fellow improover!

Rolling…

>>526250

Hey! Glad to see you came back. I was also stuck on beer for a little while. My best friend & neighbor is German, so it's a big part of how we socialize.

How did your workout go?

>>526251
Second level. I'm no stranger to change but I'm not risking getting into a scuffle with the last person I got annoyed by.
Rolling…

>>526265
Gee… no smokes, alcohol, playboy centrefolds, television, indulgent donuts or bangin' my head against a wall? Wish me luck fellas, I'll need it.

>>526266
>Detective dysphoria
Now that's a name I haven't read in months, it felt over a year, we thought you were dead, fallen into the unknown.

>>526251
Level 3 for top G, lets go.

>>524561
why did you pick such a depressing OP pic?

>>526273
glad he's back desu

>>526311
nice roll

>>526273
>we thought you were dead, fallen into the unknown
I nearly did, y'know?
I'll tell ya what happened, but only once. It sounds trite but… it was a girl. I got involved where I shouldnt've, got attached when I shoulda known better. I feel like a damn fool and so I'm back here in the old haunts.

She had BDP, ASD, DID, the works. I tried to take it slow but you know what that sniffly Slovenian said, love is traumatic and you can't help but trip and tumble when you fall in love. Felt like one night I refused to let her kiss me, skin to skin sleeping the next. I didn't know how to handle it, I stopped it for a while. Truth be told, I wanted an open relationship and she didn't. We both knew that but we kept on going way beyond where it should have ended. We both hurt but we ended up the same way again. On and off. Finally she made the call herself to quit things. I guess her saying, "no more," was what I needed to quit.

I blame myself for it all. It exposed my weaknesses, ones I didn't realize. She's gone now, stepped back from all the things we did together. I wanna do the same, fall into nothing like ash off a cigarette but I know that'll only hurt me further. I just wish I never did anything, never even got the chance to hurt her… I just hope she deals with it better than she has historically and I can deal with my own sense of shame.

Only way I'm going to be able to do that is by not making the same mistakes. All I can do is be a better man, right?

>>526396
Damn dude
>I just wish I never did anything, never even got the chance to hurt her…
It feels like you have good intentions so don't beat yourself up.
>Truth be told, I wanted an open relationship and she didn't.
This is one of those fashions I don't get. I don't want or need more than one sex partner. I'm really not attached to monogamy. I don't think a man can handle more than one femme fatale, detective.

>>526522
>This is one of those fashions I don't get. I don't want or need more than one sex partner. I'm really not attached to monogamy. I don't think a man can handle more than one femme fatale, detective.
Y'know, it gets me all questioning myself whenever I consider the question of monogamy.
On one hand, not having to worry about the social expectation of sexual exclusivity when you want to fool around is good and all but…
On the other, you're right. Although, it wasn't like I was going out of my way to be sleeping around.

I'll explain my reasoning like this: We're young, decently attractive and openly attracted to other people. On top of that, romantic attachement and sexual desire are two seperate things in my brain. The way I saw it, it'd be better to come to an understanding regarding sexual non-exclusivity to allow us some breathing room to live a little. Maybe we slip up while intoxicated, maybe we find someone we click with one night. Maybe we just want to experience something new the other can't or won't provide. No sense in depriving ourselves of having a little fun every now and again, right? If she wanted to sleep around a bit, no skin off my back. Sure, I'd have felt a tinge of jealousy but really, that's just human nature. That's how I figured it but she didn't see it that way.

In some twisted way, I suppose I wanted it because I loved her, so she could have the option of other people open, you know? So she wouldn't be expected to just stick to me, to feel trapped by me or otherwise… regretful one day that she chose me?

I think, at the end of the day, it's like I'm just conflicted when it comes to what it is I really want. Who it is I really want, even. Maybe I'm not cut out for this whole relationship business, maybe I'm afraid of commitment? You use the term "sex partner" specifically but she wasn't just a sex partner to me. I felt different with her, an attraction that was stronger and far more intense, that went beyond her body. It was like I found pieces of my own soul in her, as if reflected in shattered glass. I've slept with others but in none of them did I feel the same deep sense of longing. In none of them did I feel the same desire to be with them.

But, what's done is done. I survived without her and I'll survive without her. I just wish she ends up with a better man than I and that I can figure my shit out before I end up hurting someone else. The problem is that when I feel so emotionally incapable or socially inept, I tend to isolate myself which is the exact opposite of what I need to be better. OP says that they're sick of making the same mistakes and dang it, so am I!

Having said that, put a strike against my name for the bad habits. Ended up masutrbating for a quick dopamine release. Guess I've gotta re-roll.

Delaer, hit me with a level two again! >>526251

>>526528
A namefella who forgot their name? Just a testament to how tired I must be. Gotta get proper sleep to raise a healthy vegetable, right? Nighty night, anons.

>>526528
>In some twisted way, I suppose I wanted it because I loved her, so she could have the option of other people open, you know? So she wouldn't be expected to just stick to me, to feel trapped by me or otherwise… regretful one day that she chose me?

Mmm, for me, you sound like such an airhead, anon!

Having someone as a sole necessity in your spirit ( as the salt is to the plant ), with furher desires emerging in you to harmonize with the subject of her, unable to have dinstinctions… ( not being 'able' to choosing other people )

Yet, at the same time, going against her will to be fully together with you… like, she told you that her wish is to be only with you, right? ( or maybe I got it wrong )

Perhaps, she was 'scared' of losing you. Of losing the mysterious quality that you felt and made her feel, how could she respond if you told her that sex is just a bland ritual that you can do it with everyone- but, what if she wanted to 'share' all her had with you, apart from whatever quality of the action has… you said you long for her presence, yet, you wanted her to share it with others. Perhaps for her, even thinking anyone other than you was a grand tragedy, the thought itself would appear a bitter ache in her chest- what if she already have chosen you?

But yeah, i don't know and can't know what really happened in your experienced union, I just presupposed things about you and continued my questions on that basis. Sorry if I tried to pass the line…

>>526528
Yeah what they said >>526541
To me
>It was like I found pieces of my own soul in her, as if reflected in shattered glass
this happens constantly. Sex is somewhat unimportant. Seems overrated.

>>526592
>seems overrated
>seems
Setting this aside, the main issue is lack of cardiovascular fitness, lack of communication, weird standards people uphold to their own detriment, weak pelvic floor muscles, inflammation in the genitals and prostate etc, it's like a full exam of your physical and mental and social fitness as well as your ability to truly empathize with someone in the end and give a shit if they cum. Also focusing too much on scoring bodies and scoring nuts instead of actually enjoying what's happening.
What I mean is that until I got my shit together I was dissociating whenever I had sex and I would have agreed with you. It's not a priority, it's a stretch goal. Speaking of stretch goals I've decided to anally fuck a man this weekend. Anal is definitely overrated last time I did it my partner basically decided we need to take a break. Would I be slutting myself out to random suspiciously-hot couples if it were overrated?
Fat health class teacher take.
Don't listen to those blogs by mentally insane fat people who talk about you need to accept being overworked and unhealthy and this is just what sex is now. (Maybe you're half asexual! Just make shit up! Never try!)

>>526596
Alot of sex-negativity is usually stumted/scarred older adults projecting onto young people

>>526601
That was my impression, because way they describe PIV intercourse is reminiscent of how Norm Macdonald depicted gay anal rape at the end of his whole,,,, what was that musical act, you know the one.

I'm swamped with contracts! I'll need to avoid the urge to procrastinate, and just dive right in. There's a lot of money on the line. Once the money comes in, I'll have to be disciplined about putting it towards things that matter and will improve my longterm situation.

This week, my goal is to not use my computer after 9 PM. Which will be particularly challenging this week, as I have a ton of work, and night is my most productive time. So I must submit totally to the discipline of getting my work *done* during the day. Not fucking off like an idiot.

Thanks to all the solidarity, comrades. Inch by dreadful, tedious fucking inch I'm going to drag myself to freedom.

>>526612
Going cold turkey on something that has huge utility like your devices could be unsustainable but going to bed earlier is huge.
I recommend the "one attention sheet" where you write down every single one of your responsibilities on a checklist. Things which are not true responsibilities like "spare thoughts" or reminders, cool names you invented for things, entertainment you wish to check up on, that all goes in a separate list. For the main one talking about your priorities like phone calls, appointments, personal healthcare things you forget, stuff you have to do, not just hope to remember. This helps eliminate the anxiety of whether you're doing what you ought to be doing.
Also if you have shit teeth try using Super Floss and then using an iodized salt rinse. I did that once years ago when I didn't take care of myself on a camping trip and I hear a lot of improoovers mention as a sidenote they have shit teeth. It ruins your energy level and gives you heart disease.

>>526614 (me)
Stage 2 of this process is estimating how much time you need to complete a priority and then scheduling so you have a big block of time for lengthy responsibilities and the smaller ones don't end up pushing it out of a scheduling block into the next day (or week, or on rescheduling as available, or into NEVER GETTING DONE 😱)

>>526592
>>526541
I can't say I'm not an airhead. You fellas may be onto something. Regardless, we can't be turning this into the sex and relationship general so we'll just put a stop to discussing her, okay?

Here's a better topic: how's OP doing? They haven't checked in for a couple of days.

>>526663

I just checked in here: >>526612

Things are going swell, just busy :) I won't stop checking in, though. I'm really done fucking up. If I misstep along the way (as I surely shall) you will hear about it. But I won't stop posting my progress.

Worst case scenario I get banned here and post elsewhere.

I also made a ton of progress on my personal site since I last updated y'all about that, including an adorable reference to leftypol. I'd post now but I need to get back to work!

>>526664
Well, my apologies, OP, I didn't realize it was you. Had my mind clouded by other things, you know how it goes. I'm glad things are going well. Hope your shift doesn't make you feel flattened by the end of day, god knows mine will.

>>526668

Thanks for the well-wishes!

Didn't use computer at night, ended up falling asleep at a good time. The "down side" being that I didn't spend hours up all night being super productive. No worries, now it's early in the morning and I can get a ton of work done!

Today's goal is just my week-wide goal: no computer after 9.

Fuck failure. Not an option. Absolute proletarian fucking iron.

>>526758
>Absolute proletarian fucking iron.
That's the spirit, OP! Keep fighting the good fight!
In other news, I've decided to change up my task from growing a vegetable to taking care of the garden in general. There's this big damn hole in the back that's been frustrating me for a while so I might start by sourcing enough dirt to fill it in for good.
Additionally, I've considered trying to upload "Skater Maid: Private Eye" to Archive of Our Own once I go over what I've written so far to format it all for a place where the ol' "meme arrows" don't have the same cultural relevance. Re-reading it all will be good to get the creative juices flowing again. It's a damn shame my original thread wasn't archived but… whatta you do?

>>526749
That's the spirit, glad to hear you've committed to this effectively. Shitposting in the morning before people wake up is crackalackin >:)

make art

Fucked up today. Me and wife were at ultrasound and I got us both Taco Bell. My penance? I'm gonna go 100x harder on my contracts today.

I'm done fucking around, leftypol. Time for labor.

Btw still working on my personal site. Feel free to visit: darigo.su

If you click on the little pokeball in the right, you enter a pokemon version of my real room. Then if you go up to the computer, and open netscape, I made a working mini imageboard in homage to leftypol.

Today I have a call with my sister so probably won't get much more work done. So much to do. But my goal this week is about going to sleep on time, not anything else, so I'll focus on that.

>>527154
Wrong approach, comrade. Don't punish yourself by doing more. If anything, if anything punish yourself with diligence and discipline, just do what you're supposed to do. You're expected to fail building habits. It is very wrong to respond to failure by anything other than sticking to your habits, which does not mean doing _more_. Only what your habits are supposed to be. They have to be sustainable too.

Once you have habits down, you can then increase them. Like going once a week to the gym, then once you have that, then twice etc.

>>527205
Website looks great man, keep up the hard work

>>527205
nice work

Thanks for the kind words, comrades!

Someone asked if I'll be implementing a .onion soon - yes I will. First, I'm going to setup a blog. Then, I'll make an epic blogpost about securing the site (adding HTTPS, .onion, and tons of other security features, just as a learning experience)

G'day y'all. Here's what I'm doing today: MONEY.

I'm creating coding challenges for a client on Upwork.

My family needs me, so I can't fuck around.

Hello fellow proletarians.

Today I literally just need to do one thing: WORK.

Specifically:

1. Finish the review
2. Create the challenge
3. Finish the other review

And nothing else matters.

I'll be updating in this thread with my progress all night. I'll be posting with SAGE so I don't spam. Who else is here to accomplish some muthaphlukkin goals tonight??

Aight, one contract done. On to the second.

Eating delicious mango and getting started on my work. What are you guys up to today?

Join the YPG, Ukrainian Legion, or Afghan NRF (gigabased if you can)

Phew. Big day today. I need to finish my work in time to go to church. The service is in the afternoon.

Wish me luck!

>>530305
>Wish me luck!
depends if your church follows the good and real kind of christianity or the bad and retarded kind of christianity

>>530306

Good and retarded kind

looking forward to this haul

>>524561
>useless parasite
>paragon of the proletariat
This is extremely fucking spooked. But you are a weakling, thanks for pointing this out.
>>524612
>morally superior food
lmao

Good luck, OP

proteinbros… is it over?
based agrochemist telling me the human body needs 10g/day protein
also really interesting stuff about ammonium nitrate pollution in the air amidst other stuff i already knew, not done yet, check it out

I just remembered this "shards of broken glass" comment and came back to post this from the Upanishads (cited after Wikipedia actually, don't sue me)

He who sees himself in all beings,
And all beings in him,
attains the highest Brahman,
not by any other means.

—Kaivalya Upanishad 10